Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
