So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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