In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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