Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
