we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
