he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
