I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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