upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
