apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
