The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
