I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
