I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
