therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
