Non-Jews are for practice
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
