i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
