Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
