I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
