Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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