Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
