My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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