They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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