Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
