Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
