Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
