nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
