he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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