We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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