Kareoke will never be a sober sport
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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