Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
