Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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