Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It's official drugs can't kill me
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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