I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
