y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
