Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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