I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she peed on how many people?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
She made me pour olive oil on her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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