ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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