i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
