are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
What did we do last night that was yellow?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
