I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
