just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize