May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
