If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
