all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
