first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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