Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
