I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
