we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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