You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
