This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
