Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
