Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
