I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
