I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
