I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
