Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize