your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
