hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
