you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
