Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize