Cold hands, warm shart.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
