It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you bring me the toilet please
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
