He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
