I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
