Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
they need to just BURY HIM!
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
