I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize