Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
