Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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