that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
