It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize