Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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