Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
