never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
