Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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