my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
